Don't you love it when a book finds you at just the right time?
Thoughts on Michelle Obama's "Becoming".
I just finished reading “Becoming” by Michelle Obama, and it was the most powerful read of the year for me, by far. I initially picked it up because I realized that she had done IVF to have both of their daughters, and I wanted to read about her experience. More than that though, the entire book just hit me over and over with truth and insight and humor and tears and hope.
I’m only beginning to sort out my responses to it. One thing that resonated with me was how she talked about the impact of music and art on her and in her work, even though she herself was not a musician. Jazz was part of her childhood, and she talks later about how they invited musicians, dancers, artists, and poets to the White House to work with children because they believed that art is essential to childrens’ educational experiences. Absolutely it is!
I also loved reading about how important community is to her. She talked about the depth of friendship between women and how her friendships had sustained her in every season of life: “My friends made me whole, as they always have and always will. They gave me a lift anytime I felt down or frustrated or had less access to Barack. They grounded me when I felt the pressures of being judged…and they helped me ride out the big, unsettling waves that sometimes hit without notice.” And: “Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand small kindnesses like these, swapped back and forth and over again.”
Bringing casseroles and doing puzzles in silence after a loss, helping carry box after box up and down stairs to execute a last minute move, talking about grief in swaying hammocks, meeting for virtual book club at ungodly hours of the night, FaceTiming for 6 hours straight, a Starbucks flat white and rides to work my first week in Hawaii, ladies’ brunch, locker room vent sessions, making bougainvillea lei, sushi or escapes to the beach over lunch, sitting in silence and holding space for hurt: these are ways that friendships have sustained me and made me whole during this season of life here in Hawaii. It truly is one of the sweetest parts of existing, and Michelle’s writing reminded me of that.
The entire book is imbued with a focus on personal growth: that we are never “there”, that we are all always growing, that it is never too late to “swerve” and choose another path. One of the passages that I related to most is when Michelle Obama details “swerving” from her intended life path in her late twenties. She realized that being a corporate lawyer was making her miserable, and after several months of reflection, journaling, and seeking out new opportunities, she sought out a career in public service. I find myself in my late twenties, far from where I thought and hoped I’d be but encouraged that it’s not too late for me to choose something different, either.
For Michelle, “becoming” extends far past the late twenties. It’s a lifelong endeavor of “forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end…becoming requires equal parts patience and rigor. Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there’s more to be done.”
Now that’s something I can get behind. Michelle Obama’s pervasive sense of optimism, of being grounded in real life but never becoming cynical about it, of always moving forward with hope towards a better future, of empowering young people-it all spoke to me. It made me feel hopeful and reignited a little flame inside of me that still wants to do something.
Right now I have very little control over anything, and the goal of most days is to survive. I’ve let go of so many goals and dreams that either didn’t work out or just don’t fit anymore. I want to have a family more than anything, but I’m still in a season of waiting and navigating loss. I sometimes feel like I’m just floating through a time warp and passively hoping things change for the better someday. Reading this book, however, reminded me of the agency I have to make the best out of this one life I’m living. Maybe “becoming” isn’t about figuring more things out, but about becoming more grateful, more aware, more patient, more of whatever this season is asking me to be.
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